I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
