is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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