I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
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