my mouth tastes like poor choices
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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