I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
