Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm sobbing to NWA
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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