Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
