I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
