I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
