You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
