I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
