Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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