Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
it glows. i had to have it.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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