Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
