my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
