she woke up with a sticky ear
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
