Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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