Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
