then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He felt like a one man threesome
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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