I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
