I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
