i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
