Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
