I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize