Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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