lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
