my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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