omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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