dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
