you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
