...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
