he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize