no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
