Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
this hospital has no fireball
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
