you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
