a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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