ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
