Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize