how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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