apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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