Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
