if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize