she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
