between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize