don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
