I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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