I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
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