he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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