I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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