i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize