in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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