be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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