So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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