its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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