bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
