he shaved USA in his pubs
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
