i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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