Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
false alarm. still invincible.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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