I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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