I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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