in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
