i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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