Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
