Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
