The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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