Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
