seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
