on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
