I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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