Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
