my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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