No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
