And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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