I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
