No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
