I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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