if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
