You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
