Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
