I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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