I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I would fuck him just for his dog
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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