I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
