she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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