Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
