i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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